What is reality and how can it be confronted?'

Im re reading the Bell Jar, it amazes me how much I see myself in these characters, particually in the Bell Jar and cassie out of skins. how you constantly go over things in your mind, to the extent where you dont no if you altered what your perception of reality is. you go over every detail and dont no which way to think, in the end i decide it best not to think about it at all, but then you feel completely blank. I finally saw my friends last nite, my high school friends, it wasnt for long but I cant describe how good it made me feel it completely regrounds me and makes me feel like nothing has changed and that there will only be problems so long as I let there be. Having said that watching Sex and the City was way to emotional to watch after having just broken off a relationship, but I still value what we had and my friends. Ahh I could make this a bit more poetic but I cant even rap my own head around what Im feeling.

The main thing I got out of the Bell Jar is how Sylvia Plath explores the idea of your own silence, and how defening it can become. Happens all to much over the past few months. That you have the potential to drive yourself insane, and honestely after reading this book the first time I thought about it alot. About shouting out in public, in living reality as if it were a dream and posing actions without considering the reaction or consequence. On tuesday Robbie wanted to take a photo of me and as usual I wouldnt let him. Im constantly striving for this ultimate image of myself, the way people percieve me, envisioning myself as a THING and I dont think Im ever going to get there. these little struggles are the interesting part. I feel beautiful lying here on a blanket on the floor in front of my heater with my mac and the Bell jar, but im distancing myself from people again.
Dad gave me a big talk, its all about relationships he said. So I want to work on my relationships with people as much as possible. Not in a fake way but relise that they are of more importance, good things will come of a good relationship not the other way around.